i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
