areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
