we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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