best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
