We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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