Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
