i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
