Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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