We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
