Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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