It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
