Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Say something about gay babies.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize