carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
