and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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