Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
