She said her name was "party"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
