So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
