I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
