I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize