We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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