Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize