Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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