Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
