Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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