i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
