Whatcha textin bout Willis?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
