She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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