Umm I'm too high to move.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
