and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
