Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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