She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
MIDGETS
????
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
