I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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