to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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