I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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