my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
