i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
