I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
