I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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