You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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