Moan for me like Helen Keller
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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