Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
