dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
