You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize