HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
