I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
