im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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