his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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