yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That's when you crack a 10am beer
false alarm. still invincible.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
