so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
