Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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