I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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