you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
