Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
