So drunk its hurt
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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