I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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