Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i think i just lost a toe
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize