dude i'm inner monologue high
Too much gin, very little bucket
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Randomize
