Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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