If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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