i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
