next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
