wat bout pragnant strippers??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize