Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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