if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
