dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
