I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
