Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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