wrigley field is MILF paradise
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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