I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
