He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
